Tiger's Drive

Tiger Woods

Tiger had a little accident
Just outside his house
I was told by the Enqirer
It was his loving spouse

I saw a wrecked vehicle
After he hit a tree
He’s not as good at the wheel
As he is right off the tee

The story is going around
That his wife is really pissed
He’d be better off driving
With his favorite Titleist

A very talented golfer
He has proven that to be
When it comes to spinning
We’re now about to see

When he’s on the golf course
He hits between the trees
But being chased by a mad woman
Brings everyman to his knees

Gilroy Library

Library Closing

I would like to pass along
This timely information
The library is moving
To it’s temporary location

And they will be closed starting
On December’s second day
To move all of their materials
Only a few blocks away

But while they are closed
For their move to 7652 Monterey Street
They are offering you a deal
I would like to repeat

Any material that
You check out before then
Won’t be due back
Till February 2010

Now you’ll have time
For those lengthy editions
Or learn a language
With these timely conditions

You will also be helping
The library’s great crew
By lightning the load
Of all, they have to do

November 22nd

November 22nd

Forty Six years ago
In a Texas town
The leader of our country
Was fatally, shot down

While riding in a convertible
On that fatal day
Our president and our innocence
Were suddenly taken away

He was mortally wounded
Cradled in his wife’s hands
Changing America’s future
And our nation’s plans

There has been much speculation
And many different theory
Was it a lone gunman?
Or a major conspiracy

I guess we will never know
The truth of this evil plan
Who took away our hope
We had in this great man

Cell Phones

Cell Phone Etiquette

When you walk around
With that thing on your ear
Are you aware?
What the rest of us hear

Because while you’re using
That fabulous “Blue Tooth”
You’ve pulled the rest of us
Into your private phone booth

And if you must always answer
That phone wherever you go
May I suggest that you
Skip the theatre and the show

For it’s really annoying
To be sitting in the third row
And listen to your conversation
To someone we don’t know

If you’re a doctor
And you answer that ring
We’ll not be annoyed
For some important thing

But if you’re just talking
To hear your own voice
The rest of all of us
Will give you a different choice

When you’re on long distance
And everything is loud what you say
Is that because
The other party is so far away?

And when we’re talking
Even though the subject is small
Don’t put me on hold
To answer an incoming call

The View”

There’s this daily show
That comes on at 10:00 A.M.
That’s not watched
By many of us men

There are five gals
Seated at this table
Discussing today’s topics
And being unstable

The first is Barbra
The “Mother Hen”
She produces the show
And decides if you return again

Next is Elizabeth
A pretty and lovely sight
But there’s a reason
She is sitting on the far right

Next comes Sherry
A very voluptuous broad
With wrestling and swimsuits
To put on her Blog

Next to her is Joy
The group’s funny chick
Who states her politics
With a clever little shtick

Whoppi is the moderator
She’s the smartest one
Controlling the chaos
Their discussion has become

The show has it’s moments
With ideas from these few
But it definitely gives you
These Ladies point of “View”

Voter Control

I Wonder Why I Voted?

Two Kennedy’s and Lincoln
Were all, shot fatally dead
Edwards and Spitzer were
Quickly removed, from our head

By embarrassing publicity
That has happened, just by chance
For not thinking, with their heads
But following an urge, in their pants

Were they set up
For a political cause
Or were they just victims
Of their own applause

Their messages were alarming
To the status quo
Was that a reason
Of why, they had to go

Were all the bankers
And those big CO’s
Extremely worried
Of what might be exposed?

The Nasty Weed

The city council has decided
That they must interced
To stop the dispensing
Of this dangerous, illegal weed

For a city license
The clinic did apply
Which the council
Did quickly deny

Followed by on order
Of "Cease & Desists'"
For a permit
That didn't exsist

And why was that
You might want to question
Your local politics
Would be my suggestion

We all know how
Sometimes it's hard
To express your compassion
When it's in, your back yard!

Support The Troops

A Well Deserved Discount

While working at the Garlic Fest
Which I did just last year
I was selling tickets
And checking ID’s for beer

At the ticket booth
There was a recurring question
Of which I’ll share with you
And propose my own suggestion

I was asked by many families
Of those who proudly serve
In our various Armed Forces
For something, they truly deserve

A family discount was what
They asked for my reply
And I felt so deeply sorry
When their request, we then did deny

For those in the service
Who are risking life and limb
It seemed so very wrong
To be denying, all of them

So maybe in the future
We must change the fee
For our valiant heroes
Who are protecting you and me

I don’t know who to ask
At the “Garlic Festival Association”
To take, on this noble task
To show, our true appreciation

But I’m sure, they’ll figure it out
By the end of next July
When this question is asked
A new price, will surely apply

Movie Review

Movie Review

My wife and I just went to see
The show “This Is It”
A new documentary
The Micheal Jackson flick

You will love this movie
If you’re a Micheal Jackson fan
Or if you happen to be
A VERY Gay Man

The dancing is fabulous
The dancer’s are delicious
But the music
Is a little too repetitious

On a scale of 1 to 10
A 5 would be my choice
But I’m not that crazy
About Micheal’s voice

What impressed me the most
Was all the preparation
To arrive at the final
Full concert presentation

Conservatives?

Conservatives?

Would someone please?
Give me an explanation
Why the “Conservatives”
Are all so opposed to conservation

Doesn’t their name
Seem somehow to apply
To try conserving
Or at least, give it a try

Conserving our natural resources
That are now, in short supply
But when we say, there’s a problem
All they do, is strongly deny

They are said to be on the “Right”
This loud and vocal throng
But from where I stand
They usually seem, to be in the “Wrong”

So it’s only likely
Neither of us will ever change
But if they won’t conserve
Then pick a different name

Shopping

Shopping

My wife takes me to Costco
On her shopping days
I go, somewhat to look
But mostly, just to graze

They have those little samples
Which are tasty and quite fun
But you’d better, be real quick
If you hope, to get one

For all the people gather
And they are extremely rude
When they’re all competing
For some easy, free food

But I just follow the wife
And lean on the shopping cart
Which is the same thing I do
When we go to, Wal-Mart

She sometimes has me help her
And gives me a little chore
Like going around and fetching
Something in the back of the store

Years ago when I was working
I never envisioned my retired life
Was spending all my days
Going shopping, with my wife