Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas
And I was in the kitchen
Pouring myself a drink
While my wife just kept on, bitching

My companions were there
Dr. Pepper and Ron Caballero
I was feeling no pain
In this holiday scenario

The tree was all lighted
With those lights that you buy
And I have to admit
The same condition, was I

The music was playing
About those angels on high
That about the same altitude
As this friendly guy

The stockings were hung
All in a row
Reflecting the fireplace
Which was like I, all aglow

I felt sorry For Santa
Only once a year he comes
So instead of cookies and milk
I left him some coke and rum

There were presents
Tucked under the tree
There were more for the dog
Then there were for me

I bought my wife jewelry
Some diamonds and beads
Cause lord knows
There’s nothing she needs

For she always dresses me
And she’s my calorie counter
And she never let’s me forget
That I’d be lost without her

My wife loves Christmas
And the holiday season
She now can go shopping
For now she has a good reason

But I won’t say humbug
For that would be trite
I’ll just say, Merry Christmas to all
And to all a Good Night